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my daughter's zoolander look 

my daughter looks so much like her mother to me its uncanny and i tell her that all the time. i also teased her about her low cut blouse and that her mother was known to always run around sportin the cleavage. and that reminded me of when i was married and how it really use to bother me when we went out and my ex was too sexy looking for my young insecure ass. back then my ex-wife was sexy as hell. a young soft brown and round for sure. i told my daughter she dont remember when me and her mother were happy together. i remenised about the good times we shared and it made me feel good. it had been a long time since i thought of those welfare food stamp bus ridin days when most of what we had was each other. 

yesterday after jeffery stopped by to pick up $10 for lunch me and daddy rode to pennsylvania to play his numbers since he will be gone for a few days. he's flying out to see his daughter and fairly new granddaughter and their new house which i been paintin the hell out of the inside of. ofcourse this is after he spends a couple days in vegas. anyhows the scenery, country and drives back here are gorgeous. all the trees and greenery and the slight humidity on a day where it wasnt so hot. bright, clear and beautiful. we stopped in grocery stores full of black folk. all black female cashiers. never have i felt like i had so much confidence with or understanding of the sistas. it was like i could look at and read or influence them at will. it aint everyday a nigga like me walks in their store and i know it. looking them dead back in the face with such confidence, but with respect and admiration.

i was beat and didnt do nothing but george foreman grill some top sirlion, watch tiger woods with daddy the golf enthusiast and sleep. i slept a hard deep hard 3 hours. when i woke up it hurt. cloggy head like i was hung over. in fact, after my drinkin days it would amaze me how i would wake up feeling hungover and i didnt even drink. i realized a lot of what i thought was hangover was just from partyn to hard. i aint visit nobody this trip or make my usual rounds to family and friends. i hung out with my father all day and it was cool. i must be getting old cause hanging with daddy was really kinda cool. we watched a repeat of bill maher on larry king and i like that man. i attended a taping of his former show politically incorrect cause i digs what and how he says. i thought he was very very good on larry king and there is no doubt he will be into politics soon. at the end of the show he dropped some key points he thought america needed to address and i so agreed i almost cheered. i think i did cheer in fact. maybe i should by his book and read it before i finish mine. 

anyhows im beat up and tired but feeling spiritually energized. after trips like this i am not the same person i was when i left. my life experiences continue to take me to new higher levels of consciousness and awareness. its like im learning to operate and function closer and closer to my full potential. this as my full potential increases because my capability increases because of experience. 

about possibility. i was thinking that human beings have evolved to be creatures of growth and change. like if god told me "jeffery, you are gonna go to new york and meet a soft brown and round and you two will live happily ever after" i wouldnt like that. the mystery would be gone. like if i knew in detail what the future had in store for me, even if it was a happy future, i would become complacent and disillusioned with it. i think its the mystery or the journey or the struggle humans get off on. ive said you cant have ecstasy  without desire. and the deeper the desire, the greater the ecstasy when the desire is fulfilled. i think humans are creatures of function and must have some type of struggle to be happy. 

i arrived at this via thinking why the possibility of soft brown and just enough round at the funk show in new york stimulated me so much. i thought about it and i dont really want a girlfriend or to be in a serious relationship. the idea of sexual stimulation is always a major motivator, but i can often get sex if i want it but i dont ever put forth an effort. so if it aint sex or relationship, why was a possibility of some kind of whatever so stimulating? why am i so moved by female personality if im not sure what it is i want from them? could it be the possibility of things unimagined that i like? the idea that there is a possibility of something bigger than what i can dream happening? (sade's your not the man is playin rat now) cause if i knew maybe i dont know

another thing bout back here, you can not only drink the tap water but its damn good. better than bottled and in the winter residential tap water is even already chilled for you. still with all that and everything that ive said on these here pages dont get me wrong i still got mad california love. 

"he doesnt know, her love's a lion. she's a fancy girl...
get out on your own girl, show him how, you can be strong girl, dont need him now..."
-in a sade groove

im spose to work tomorrow but i dont think im gonna make it. took today as vacation but im worn out and weak and feel like im getting sick. i also think i got water on the knee. 

re-reading this stuff i wonder if its coming off like im trippin on black females and girls with booty. but i swear for god on the holy bible that as i was typing the last sentence two sistas separately walked by with that boom boom in the back. i mean im almost gettin tired of talking about girls butts but im seeing so many nice ones i cant help it. maybe the percentage of boom boom booties is signifigantly higher here and it should be noticeable and a major thing to me. after all, this all started when i was saying that back here there are a lot of soft brown and rounds and that was early in this trip when i was still on the airplane when i saw the flight attendant. 

and is the soft brown and just enough round thing truly trippy or me just trippin truly? think about it; i see her outside the venue before the concert and am immediately moved. i mean she instantly had my attention and in mid sentence i changed to talk about her. then not only does she attend the concert, but im pointin her out and tryin to be in her vibe the whole night. and then for her to be the primary female (more booty just walked by, SEE IT AINT ME!!!!) dancin with george clinton during atomic dog? is that just chance or coincidence? (the song good thoughts bad thoughts says there are no coincidences) or maybe she was just so beautiful that everyone noticed her so i was just one of many, including the person who gets the girls for the atomic dog audience participation freak dancin. 

either and any way, for me it was magical. my evenings primary infatuation ends up being the one on stage. and ya better believe i was in a fully animated high energy groove while she wasup there for all to see. and after she left the satge my energy (damn, a super booty just went by) stayed up and i stayed up close to the stage and we continued to party. even if all this with her is something i created in my own head, the increased physical, spiritual and mental energy i got was real and tangible. and whether i see or hear from her again wont change how good of a feeling i got and have. 

interesting, looking over my handwritten "so i dont forget" notes of the trip i pretty much already covered all the highlights i wanted to. all is left now is to gather and post the pictures i took. looks like i took over 1000 pics since i left. and thats not counting the stuff i got with the video cam. i will also make detailed entries about the game and concerts and wtc in other parts of my webspace. 

yes, im finally settling and i can feel it. all i got to do now is fly home and thats pretty much set. when i get home and get everything put away (i always unpack and put stuff where it should be immediately) i will really relax. well, after the excitement of coming home subsides. i always say, the only thing betterthan traveling is coming home. and im (another one just went by) ready to do that. (another one i swear!! it aint me). its 4:00PM (1pm in cali) and im gonna head to the gate. next stop, detroit. (another one) 

though i do like walking on the plane and letting everybody watch me when they see the big black man come strolling on all casually late. some of them been sittin there for 20 minutes when i walk on. i was saying about the map. i had yahoo directions from point to point, these directions take you from point to point they dont tell you what you are going thru. i went through philadelphia and didnt even know i was spose too!! plus should you miss a turn or step, since the directions are relative you have to go back to where you last were on track to get to where you are going. i got lost 3 or 4 times this trip but recovered. i thought it cool that 2 times people actually had me follow them part of the way to where i needed to go.

they say that people are the same but in my travels i have found that this just isnt true. people of the same "race" are different in ohio from the same "race" in california. and im not just talking culture, ideals or ways. they are physically different and you can see it. there are black people (and white people) in youngstown who's bloodline hasnt been mixed with much and you can see this clearly. them is some hard working tough racist people. black and white. they come from generations of steel mill working church going hard drinking "you better not marry one of them" kinda people. and you can see the effects of this breeding and culture. some of them are almost incapable of understanding too much outside of there culture. some are so ethnicly polar that they cant even communicate outside of their circle. i aint mad at these people, though i may have use to be. over time ive learned that everybody cant live in california or be progressive or liberal or have a desire to understand things. some people are very happy living  simpler life.

 at the  

detroit roy rodgers

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