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september 30, 2004 september 30, 2004
september 27, 2004 http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/origins/ http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/link/ september 27, 2004 september 22, 2004
september 22, 2004
september 20, 2004 september 18, 2004 It ain't
what you know, it's what you feel - september 16, 2004 EINSTEIN September 14,
2004-May 29, 2005 september 15, 2004 i know i must give off that kinda feeling to people sometimes because of my size and the things i do. and i imagine the effect. i do not intend fear, but i do want my strength recognized. respect maybe, not fear. its hard to educate a scared animal. receiving that respect quickly means certain physical negotiations are already settled. the physical dispositions of interacting conscious animals is negotiated. eye contact and gesture. once this is finished the animals settle into communication. dialogue. eye contact, tone of voice, facial expressions, all with words. and consciousness. words are nothing, its our understanding of those words that makes us god. gods. where was i? oh, once i "get" them i begin to interject into them what i want them to feel. and what i want them to feel is basically nothing more than how i feel. is that right? consciously can you do anything more than letting another animal know how you feel? does it all come down to that? no matter what we say, or what question we ask does it all come down to how one human feels about another human? maybe i mean using non verbal communication. i dont know. im brainstorming. im just happy to be writing again and it feels good to type. it feels good to get something down and the cool part is im typing sideways kinda using a new technique. its comfy and its really trippy when i let myself go and hit the keys without looking or thinking. im not a typist and never took typing but have been typing so long that...nevermind. what i want to say is that it seems even when im spewing senseless random thought i am never completely wrong. even when i push my imagination i find some kind of deeper truth. i kinda sometimes dont mind being wrong im right so much. it really feels good to write also. i know ive said this before and ill prolly say it again as im known to repeat myself and dwell in a good feeling. is it my fault? anyways i dont have to justify why im writing here cause this is mine and mine alone as intended but i did feel the urge to make that bold statement about my senseless spewed random thought. wow i just randomly read in my book page 201 where i had the original spewing random thought idea. march 30, 2004. it followed a commentary on atheism. i mean this is the best part. like mr clinton says aint nothing good unless you can play with it or sumn like that he says and to be able to ramble this way ok i quit. september 14, 2004 the big deal i feel about my book is that nobody read my book before i printed and published it. that means the style, content, editing, wording is all me and does not strictly conform to any standard guidelines. i did it my way the way i wanted it. it is information packed. when i pick it up it feels solid in my hand and im so intimate with it i can navigate the information in it very easily. i dont need an index, cause i know how everything is categorized. i built this book. i was going thru all my old notes on this thing and i saw what i started from and how i got to where it is now. i even have the first cover layout. i sent a copy to george clinton, the only freebie ive given away. i may even make my mother buy it. not make her, but ask if she would purchase it so i could get sales credit. anyways, i sent mr clinton a copy not because i think he is the jesus of FUNK or nothing. i did it cause i (we) do acknowledge him as the center of the parliament funkadelic thang. and i do distinguish between P-FUNK, which i believe is PURE FUNK, and p-funk which i believe as parliament/funkadelic. i dont worship the preacher nor the choir. but i did wanna pay homage and give a special sacrifice to the FUNK. and this is my way. almost even if he doesnt get the book it doesnt matter. i am human and i gain from the spirit of the ritual. i pay homge. one man's FUNK ENTELECHY and THEORY OF UNIVERSE thats my baby. im happy with it in that it conveys enough of my theory and ideas. a good chunk of my understanding is documented in the universe now, and maybe forever. because even the few copies ive distributed and sold gets the possibility of it being out there out there. next stop library of congress, i hope. the may have guidelines and i may have to revise a few things before the accept it and such. but what i have to say is now physically documented in a form and with a structure i am happy with. this is like the 2nd day ive sat and written. i did 1500 words yesterday. where was i? im looking at the picture on the back of my book and im wearing my homemade capri pants!! LOL sweats i cutoff to make more comfortable that just happened to be capri length that i just happened to put on the day after i got back from new york or cleveland or some where when i went to the beach to chill. on my wrist are old concert arm bands. LOL just goes to show you where my priorities are. it aint in clothing, apparel or outward appearance. LOL whew i kill me... anyways im eating tv dinner lasanga that i got from ralphs for $2 ea on sale i bought like 20 of 'em and they good dont get me wrong cause on the weekends i eat like i want to ya know. so during the week it aint so bad to curb my eating. im happy with the name of my book too i remember when i came up with it. i remember writing it down in the car while driving i have a clipboard equipped with paper in both rooms of my house and my car for just such purposes.
september 13, 2004 i want once again to get back to writing here, so im just gonna start rambling and hope i catch a groove. my life has been very good if not the best its ever been. i am in the best shape ive ever been in and a lot of very good things are happening in my life right now. and a lot of goooood people. even though the insecurities and fears of people can get on my nerves, there is nothing better than what another human being can bring. consciousness is the highest point in the universe that we know of. freedom from instinct. then freedom of consciousness. when life gets good i tend to absorb and not write. maybe i do this every summer and dont realize it. it sure is mystical to be closed in on a cold rainy dreary saturday morning hibernating and writing. its kinda like a depression. a managed depression using the emotional energy from my somberness as inspiration. when im out and active and the weather's warm my energy will not only not let me sit physically still, but maybe even mentally i cant sit still long enough to write out a complete thought. but what i have been doing is jotting down notes and thoughts and experiences and ideas. this election is gonna be a good one. i plan to register and vote for the first time in my life this election. and its a shame that what motivated me to do that was something negative. im not so much motivated to vote "for" someone as i am to vote against george bush and the republican conservative, christian, war-mongering, death celebrating, fear based, non- rhythmic cant dance uncoordinated party currently in power. watching the republican convention i was forced to let out angst energy in screams at the way "those" people make me feel. i dont give a damn, PEOPLE ARE NOT THE SAME!! we are different and all my life ive been taught and told to like "those" people and ive tried and for the most part i do. well lets just say i dont hate them and have learned not to dislike them. i feel my only obligation is to respect them. i dont have to like them. i dont have to agree that they are just like me. i do not want to be like them and they do not want to be like me. and thats cool. if we were all the same, even if it was in agreement with me, it would be boring. humans are not built for zero conflict. and also please note I DID NOT DESIGNATE who "those" people were or are. i will say this, they are not necessarily white people. there are black ones also, though they are black in skin color only and not in culture. its the conservative thing. these people dont even know how to properly express emotion. they are fearful and inhibited. shit, even the band they had at the republican convention was weak watered negroes. though i may be a racist, cause i believe there are differences between people- good and bad- my beef is with right-wing conservative faith based militarized goverment. whatever that means... i went clothes shoppin at walmart friday. it dont take long, i know what im gonna get. only the sizes change. and im down to a 38 now. all my clothes were too big so i had to go. i got some shirts too. im down to a mens large. i lost about 40lb i think over like 2 years maybe. it definitely went in steps, like down 20lbs to the 250s and then 6 months later down 20 more to the 230s. its definitely a lifestyle change. it feels as if healthy eating is a part of me now. the added energy and mobility and such. but dont get me wrong, i be havin my weekends where i can gain like 10lbs. ofcourse most of that is digested and passed by tuesday, but the point is the food parties are still on. i think the biggest thing in loosing was no soda or sweetened fruit drinks. just water during the week, soda and stuff weekends only. also i got into a daily breakfast and lunch regiment. toast and a dollar salad at mcdonalds. then a tv dinner in the evening at home. it was tough at first, but well worth it for how good i look and feel. i told my mother and sister maybe 2 years ago that if i lost weight and started to dress like i gave a damn about what people thought about of me i could have anything on this planet. i may be standing on the verge of proving that right now. if you are all dressed up nice people feel flattered kinda and respond differently. it hit me one day that i look and act as if i dont really care what people think. and for the most part i dont. but to "get" anything in this world you have got to play the game. and the biggest part of the game is human and its social. its how much people like you and how well you get along with others. and why is it that believers in god can get away with not being challenged about the validity of their god? why arent they asked to prove existence or interaction or anything? its like you can say you believe in god and you wont be publicly challenged to prove or even state clearly what you believe in. but if you have faith in something non- god you will be challenged publicly and head-on about your beliefs. like does your god talk to you? what does he say? how do you know its him? do you have evidence your god exists? please explain your evidence. i think people should be "held accountable" kinda for their religious beliefs and its not enough to stand strongly and boldly (as george w bush does) and not fully explain the inter workings of you and your god. personal smersonal. it aint all that. open and honest public talk about god is all i want. fair and sensible discussion where both sides are held accountable for their reasoning and must bear a burden of proof. how can you say something exists and then say you have no way of proving it? uh oh. i got theories that do that. im gonna be careful here. but my theories are parts of a whole that is better explained. parts of my puzzle go unexplained as where the whole puzzle goes un-verified with the god thing. the same scrutiny that science uses should be used when talking god. stop and think about it people. 90% of the world believes in something they cant see! they have such a strong faith in something for which there is no direct evidence. until i witness something
greater than us, i thought of that while chattin with the very same human beings and situations mentioned above. its with humans that i disagreed with that inspired this creativity. human consciousness is the greatest thing we know of. it created god. no it needs to realize that it is god. maybe human consciousness, or consciousness itself is god. but why do we need god? why do i compare or try to re-work the god story? we dont need god or a creator to solve the origin question. we just need an an origination. anyways it feels good to write and ponder. i been writing like this for about 2 hours. obama on paula zhan. like i said, this gonna be a big big election. and my father brought up the supreme court appointee thing. im so pro choice it makes my skin crawl to think someone else would make that decision for another person or even thinks that they can. barak obama is being primed to be the first black president. if he dont mess it up. but i think he knows whats at stake and can keep it cool until 2012 or 2008. (1,500 words) paula zahn looking good damn. she interviewin barack obama and i love paula but she aint that good but today she got her hair and smile right she looks good. i got it on tape too! i always liked paula from way back but her competition caught and passed her but paula got legs too! september 5, 2004
august 24, 2004 the reason for this writing is cause i was watching the 100m semi-final sprint in the olympics in which a couple of niggas won the race so easily that they were able to clown before they crossed the finish line. the race is a very quick-paced 10 sec experience. to see them boys take it to a level where they could out perform some of the worlds best and then put some nigga in it at end made me shout. i noticed it right off and i said "look at them niggas clownin." for an instant it seemed out of place. maybe cause i never seen anybody do this before. but even before the boys slowed down from the race i was proud of them niggas and proud to a nigga. my issue comes when the commentator remarks that what they did was disrespectful. he used words like dignity and integrity and the such. i understood where he was coming from though i didnt agree. i REALLY didnt agree. and though i was home alone i vocally expressed my sentiment. i mean, this is how we do it. like bootsy say: "dont tell me to be cool, you can be cool when its your turn." i was angered by the commentators opinion and thinking that until he can beat these boys he needs to just shut up! but i know that he has a right to his opinion and i respect that, and i have a right to mine so i am expressing it. and even though his audience is much much much larger than mine, i know i still must write this. that is the style of niggas. like p-funk music says "i wanna take you to a place where its cool to show off." because of our evolution, niggas have skills beyond that of maybe everyone else on the planet. athletic ability, rhythm and groove, style, coordination, and a just plain coolness. this all comes from our african evolution which gave us probably the most athletic ability and physical capability of any race on the planet. during our "integration" into western culture via slavery (white people killed everybody else, the only reason we are here is cause we were valuable property) we attained intellectual, philosophical and other gifts from western civilization. we mixed this with our african instincts and physical ability into new breeds of humans. niggas being one of them. african americans are not niggas. though they are blacks. niggas are blacks. niggers can be black or white or any race. africans are not blacks and i believe africans should take pride in the fact that they are african and less westernized. they should hold on to their african roots. before the 100m final race the same commentator made a remark about how it seemed the boys were scolded by a coach for there antics and that hopefully they are over their embarrassment. that made me cuss outloud at the tv. who is he to say what proper behavior is? who is anybody? these boys are the best in the world at what they do and i believe it is that kind of behavior that got then there. it may be in us to be openly proud of our ability. to celebrate when we have done somethiu august 15, 2004 Universe: The Infinite Frontier Nature august 14, 2004 this energy would have to be re-directed and output elsewhere. so i came home with the idea that i would use that energy for creative output and get back to writing. i would not express energy using the previous mentioned behavior but i would express it in tangible writing. and i did. i came home and i researched and wrote and internet created. i was making an emotional shift and my mood was at a weird energy. within this weirded calmed mood i was able to write and research with a kind of a anger, sadness, joy, etc. it didnt feel bad though bad feelings where there. it didnt feel good though good feelings were there. i was balancing maybe. here is what i wrote:
i then did a yahoo search of "evolution of universes" that eventually led me to lee smolin. he seems to be seen as the originator of the idea of the evolution of universes. i bought his book life of the cosmos on ebay and am waiting for it to be shipped. i think its so cool that i found i could just e-mail someone with this kind of knowledge and scientific experience. i imagine comparing ideas and am excited by the challenge that i may not understand all of it. also conversation with men with deep experience can give me an idea of where my ideas and theory stand in relation to other prominent thinking. the next couple days i used the time on the train ride to work to organize all the notes i had on multiple universes and surviving singularity. the evening of august 12 (the day of rick james los angeles funeral, i did not attend) i scanned all these notes and was up till 11pm (thats a big wow for me) creating this multi-universe webpage. i may have to admit that i created this page to "officially" document and timestamp my ideas and theory on multiple universes and the such. i probably did this in direct reaction to lee smolin's work. not so much competition, but in an effort to to designate my ideas from others by showing that i thought of this or that before i read this or that. do ya follow me? for some reason it is very important to me and i always check and compare the dates of when i wrote down an idea against when i found a prominent figure had the same idea. anyways the next night of friday the 13th after pizza and watching the opening ceremonies of the olympics and working on the multi-universe webpage and before i go to bed i write down this idea. i hand wrote it out almost in the dark. i thought that if i was able to predict a super nova or some extremely huge rare event i would get instant credibility. (im assuming this happens in a hypothetical "perfect" communication and recognition system). i would be seen as having valid knowledge beyond that of others. this knowledge would be seen and respected as "power." it would be proof and kinda verify that my ideas are accurate or may have some merit. thats when i thought its the same as it was thousands of years ago with those who made predictions of nature and were proclaimed magic men or men with some kind of spiritual power. a person accurately predicting climatic phenomena of nature back then was feared and respected. and sometimes made a leader. once we understand the phenomena the predictor is not seen as a magic man anymore. (i once had the idea that the ultimate unknown of the time becomes god. the biggest unanswered question of the era becomes god.) so i get up august 14 and one of the first things i come to on my tv is project universe: the fate of the universe. this show not only dealt with the subject of universe but the idea of multiple universes is mentioned. to me this is evidence i am on the right track. this fuels my faith. when i truly believe i am doing what is right i have great motivation. having great motivation makes me a better stronger more capable human being. this is the power of faith. i recorded the opening ceremony of the
olympics and the project universes. i will use these in my studies and
research which is what im doing now writing this actually. i also wrote
something about time last night after reading a paper lee smolin wrote.
animation of voyager flying thru saturns rings on the tv now. i love
life. july 16, 2004 In a message dated 7/15/2004 9:43:39 AM Eastern Daylight Time, Cary***** writes: july 11, 2004 xmas party alanis
oh god i so love me june 14, 2004 Court dismisses Pledge case. Atheist father cannot sue over use of 'Under God' may 29, 2004 next morning i'm more awakened and we are more ready. terri put on her "new" blue maternity pants and we gathered up all our prepared stuff and were off to catch the bus to the hospital. yeah, i said a pregnant woman whose water broke hours ago was gonna catch a city bus to the hospital. so we're at the bus stop and terri is wondering about her pants being wet in the back or sum'n. so i look and the whole back of her new pants are drenched in pregnant water or whatever. so we go back to the house to change and then take a cab to the hospital. we get to huntington memorial hospital in pasadena, ca and we check in and get settled and my head is a bit cloggy and terri is doing well. she wasn't freakin out or nothing, but she was alert and on it. we get to a room and they get her all hooked up and we're hearin heartbeats and watchin (smallish) contractions on the monitor and we are cool. i went across the street to vons to get some female stuff and munchies. they gave her an enema laxative and the result completely fonked up the room. ofcourse i commented. anyways she's drugged and ready and i'm startin to come alive and so is my comedy when something seems wrong. the monitor thingy showed that the contractions were affecting your heartbeat or sum'n. we eventually found out that your umbilical cord was wrapped around your neck. they would have to go in and get you, routine c-section. i wouldn't be allowed to go in to the delivery room. the first time i saw you was in the nursery viewing area. you were just laying there sleep. it seemed all the other babies were crying and fussing. and bald. and poorly colored. LOL you had lots of hair and smooth coloring and looked more "developed" than the rest of the babies. i stood there and looked and thought you were the most beautiful and best baby there. i thought look how he is just chillin asleep while all the others were screaming with issues. i thought that so cool and it made me very very proud. over the last 18 years jeff mitchell i've more than just watch you grow. nothing else in the universe affects me to the degree that you and kimberly do. i worry about absolutely nothing but you and her. everything else is easy. i could easily turn over and sleep knowing my rent ain't paid and i probably wont get a job. but even the remote idea of me missing one of your tuition payments could keep me up all night. paying for your high school education is the most responsible thing i have ever done. i never missed a payment and i cant say that about anything else. i am very proud of this also. also i am very proud of the young man you have become. the only person i know who is or can be "better" than me is you. (kimberly will probably be better than both of us, but right now this is as it stands). you have skills, understanding and a social disposition that took me 30 years to get. your charisma, outlook, humor and heart are all but perfect in my eyes. you are happy and honest (kimberly's bugaboo) and those are my two favorites and maybe the hardest for a human to be. you have gone through things in life that i did not have to. things i may or may not have been able to protect you against in any case. you have experienced tragedy that makes or breaks human beings. and i mean that literally. and you are getting through them with a strength and a way that not only makes me proud, it impresses me. i have looked in the eyes of men from all around the world. from the homeless to corporate executives to criminals. i've met none to which i can't compete or don't compare. i have all the human skills, tools and capabilities that they have. i get along well with all. intellectually, spiritually and physically. when i look in your eyes i see these same skills, minus the experience. with the natural life experiences that await you and the skills you already have, you have the capability of being a very, very great man. and again, i mean that literally. and i mean martin luther king great. and all this is if you want to be. i think that all that matters and the key is that you are happy. so jeff mitchell if you continue to be honest and happy you will be a great man. this is my gift to you on your 18th birthday as you graduate high school, a definite coming of age. my gift to you is the assurance that you are a man and can compete with the men of the world. i hope that my gift gives you the confidence to look for some kind of greatness among men or inside your self. your life experiences will eventually show you that what i say here is right. i love you jeff mitchell. keep it funky. the story of tink tink man i remember sitting at the kitchen counter on san marino ave apt 3 pasadena, ca. i was probably drinkin and your mother had you on the floor changing your solid food adult type diaper. this was one of our first experiences and it was fonky!!! the whole place was lit up. i almost gagged. your mother loved you so much that she got
pleasure from the fonk of your diaper. LOL she started singing about
it!! she was going "you stink stink man." i was like yeah dude
you do. she kept going "you stink stink man" as she changed
you. the fonk was so overpowering i think it melted the first diaper so
she had to get another one but she kept on singing. "whew you stink
stink man." "you my stink stink man" "my stink stink
man" "my tink tink man" then eventually "my tink
tink man all cleaned up now" HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEFF MITCHELL!!!! may 5, 2004 what else. there were a bunch of thoughts i wanted to put down here
but ofcourse i dont remember them now. but i will as the day goes
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